Pathway 4: Burning away tension and hurt

Oooh!! It just got interesting!!!

I remember when I first got this book many years ago, and I used to open it for a pathway and more often than not, it fell open at this pathway. Perhaps because I had a lot of tension and hurt that needed to be burned away?

This pathway comes to me now in a whole different way, and there are many lessons that arise as a result. One of the reasons I’ve left it this late to write this particular blog is because I was waiting for the tension and hurt to shift, to burn away and to release. As soon as I read the pathway, I could feel it all coming up, bubbling away under the surface. All very familiar feelings, and I could feel the resistance straight away because I knew that once and for all, it was time to heal and lose the old wounds. There was a reason this pathway came at this moment, and it was because this is what I have been working towards.

There’s a moment when you can actually see how everything has led you to where you are. There is a moment within that moment where you feel so close to turning that corner within yourself and accessing the freedom you crave. It’s liberating and terrifying all at the same time. That’s why you put a block on it, and that’s what stops you from burning away the tension and hurt. You hold on with your mind, and it’s hard to let go. It’s difficult seeing beyond that point, and for me I could feel that had burning away in me for a long time.

If it was simple and straightforward, we would all be enlightened beings, but it really isn’t. Those darker feelings are there and yes although it would be wonderful to get rid of them, but imagine if you’ve never felt freedom and never seen real light before, that in itself can be overwhelming and painful. That’s why the spiritual journey, in my view, takes you in to the freedom and light a little at a time. It’s easier to digest that way, although as humans we are fixated on “when will it all be alright?” and for me this pathway brought up a really big realisation in seeing the bigger picture. There is no end point when all is alright. All is alright RIGHT NOW, it’s just how being human and having a mind complicates everything when life really is pretty simple. Just think of when you were a baby, your needs were taken care of and you didn’t worry because you felt safe. You didn’t think then as you do now, maybe one day it’ll be ok because that day you were always ok.

Those old feelings of being unsafe bubbled up with this pathway. I felt like I was on an angry rampage for a few days but I was watching carefully at what was triggering me. It’s simple – when things are not the way I want them to be, you better get out of my way! I can joke about it, and I’m not saying I’m some kind of Diva, but the deeper hurt and tension does come from this feeling of I can’t have what I want and that comes from my conditioning and my experiences in life. It takes time to undo all of that. I am in a better place, and I am not in the past. The deepest realisation for me is seeing beyond into where these moments can lead me. This moment is perfect because everything is happening as it should, but the tension and hurt and anger is a rejection of this moment because it’s not perfect in my eyes. That’s the reason I feel tension and hurt and anger. The only way to neutralise this is love, and loving yourself when you’re raging is hard!

It’s hard to look at the anger, hurt and tension in yourself because you know that it is going to be painful and when we reject and resist that moment, it becomes even more so. To truly burn it away is to treat it with love. Love is the only way to neutralise emotions and release them. Love is total acceptance of things as they are, and yourself as you are. Unconditionally.

You can’t make something happiness and heart unless you truly feel it. You have to be looking for it in yourself to truly feel it, and most of us don’t look until we come to a certain place in our lives. There are some people who just have the knack, life’s optimists, but it takes work depending on where you’ve been in your life and what you’ve experienced. At some point, we all throw the toys out of the pram because life isn’t going our way. It makes us unhappy and all because we are rejecting the here and now because it doesn’t look like how we wanted it to. The deep irony of life is that if we keep seeing it this way, life will never be what we want it to be. Right now is the perfect moment to be happy.

What is happiness anyway?

I think it’s rooted in freedom and freedom comes from being able to see what you’re doing to yourself and being able to stop it. The lesson for me which I feel cut the deepest is that I’ve been working so hard to love myself, and I’ve made some real progress with this but this pathway enabled me to notice that I can be horrible to myself still sometimes. I won’t take it if someone else treats me that way, but some of the things I catch myself saying to myself tell me that I could be a lot kinder sometimes.

As I was deep in meditation with this pathway, a realisation came to me. My mind wants to fix everything and that’s causing hurt and tension. I thought I had done away with my inner control freak, but as it turns out I haven’t fully! This is going to take some work and I can accept that is always going to be a part of me. It’s hard to undo conditioning because conditioning helps to keep you mentally and emotionally safe. It operates on a physical level though, so it stops you from taking action beyond your safety limit.

I am safe now though and so there is no need to try and fix anything. I find myself falling in love with my Creator on a whole other level as a result of this pathway and the realisation that there is something greater at work, always at work that has my best interests at heart. All I need to do is to get out of the way and stop trying my own interventions!

I remember when I first started meditating. I remember once doing a really long meditation and I was so determined to find the answer I was looking for. I insisted I would not get up until I knew what the answer was and I was there for about 3 – 4 hours. I searched in the silence for hours. I remember being calm and still and from nowhere a voice said, “Your job is not to know. Your job is to trust.” BOOM!! That message I know was really real because it came from nowhere. I have never forgotten it and working through this pathway, it has come up often for me. It’s a reminder. That real wisdom sits within, and I can access it if I am willing to listen.

The book talks about tension and hurt feeling like a pressure cooker and that life sometimes feels as if it is cooking you, softening you up and I feel this process. Life is so much easier if you tell yourself that everything is happening as it was meant to happen. You can’t make things go any faster or delay the pain. You are safe to go through it, and go through it you must. If only we knew what was on the other side of our suffering, I reckon we would skip through it without a care!!

I feel I have ended several chapters in my life and I’m on to new beginnings now. I feel safe as a result. I know there is nothing that can harm me. I know what my mind is doing. I know where the tension and hurt are coming from. I know that feeling those feelings is softening me and bringing me back to Source. Those feelings in themselves are indicators and signals that I need to seek Source to feel at ease.

Everything is perfect. It’s how we choose to see it. Knowing it is happening perfectly takes the pressure off and makes you more accepting of things the way they are. It helps burn away the tension and hurt to bring you to a place of serenity and peace, freedom and happiness. Even if that’s simply one moment, it is enough for me to continue seeking it.

Click here for the video!

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A letter to my old self…

A letter to my old self (and maybe to you too),

Dear Hafsa,

I’m writing this letter to you from your future. You know, that place that you can’t see right now because things feel a little rocky. I want you to know that this time did pass eventually, and you grew so much as a result.

I think you need to know what your future holds so that you can have some faith and keep going. You are full of light, but your light feels like it has gone out and you have nothing to carry on for. You need to know that because of you, so many lives are made so much brighter. Give it a couple of years, and you’ll see for yourself that people are so happy to have you around, and you’re going to be helping them through the same shit you’re going through now.

You need to know that you have a future, and you need to understand that you are not a victim. Everything you are experiencing, and what the world is showing you is the pain and suffering inside of you that needs to be cleared away. It will take a long time, and you will never stop clearing, but know that in a few years you’ll have cleared enough to see your way forward. You can’t see it now, but I guarantee you will. It’ll still feel cloudy from time to time, but when you’ve seen it once, it’ll be imprinted on your eyes forever and you’ll only look back to remember the lessons you’ve learnt.

At this moment, you are not listening, and you are not trusting that voice inside you that will lead you out of where you are now. You are holding on to the feelings because they feel familiar and comfortable to you. You are not present. Your mind is elsewhere, your body is going through the motions. You feel disconnected.

Fast forward a couple of years, and you’ll really understand what happiness feels like. I know you don’t believe me!!! You’ll know what it feels like to fly! You’ll be brave enough to quit that job, and you’ll be courageous enough to trust in your gift and your purpose. All good things will come to you. That I can promise you.

I know you feel like you’ve never fit in, but a couple of years from now, you’ll have created your own world. A world where you can be yourself and it feels good. You’ll keep learning how to shine bright so other people who struggle with fitting in will find you, and together you’ll build a community, a tribe of people who want to make a difference in the world.

You’ll keep playing small for a couple of years, until you see what’s possible, until you see the results of your work, and then my dear it really will be your time and you will be so ready for what’s to come next.

I know you’ll never stop working on it. You have that warrior spirit and you will keep on going because you’re too curious about life and what it has to offer. You will learn some deep lessons, and you will use those lessons to inspire others.

The pain is deep, but you are becoming the woman you came here to be and through this pain, you will find your gifts and your purpose. The right people will come in to your life at the right time, and when you look back, you’ll see how this was perfectly created for you.

I want you to lose the belief that you don’t deserve it, and you’re not worthy. I want you to focus on looking inside at all the gifts you have to offer, and share them with love and generosity. Be brave enough to stand out in a crowd. Be sure enough of yourself that it will bring you what you need and provide for you.

This is me from your future telling you that you were worried for nothing, and that everything will work out perfectly. It isn’t a case of “if” it will all happen. It is only a matter of time so you focus on “when” it happens and prepare yourself in the best way possible.

You already have everything you need within you, and your future is being created for you while you sleep. You do not have to do anything except to trust that it will be better than you imagine. It has been planned in perfection, and it will be delivered in Divine time. Just keep holding on. Do what you can to keep your head above the water, and We will do the rest for you.

My advice to you is to be yourself. Be authentic. Be honest. Stay true to what you believe. Work hard but enjoy life. Smile often. Give yourself a break. Live each day. Know that all your tomorrow’s are taken care of so you only need to live today.

Keep dreaming. Keep holding on. Keep helping people and keep the faith.

Good things really do happen to good people.

With unconditional love from your future,

Hafsa xx


Pathway 3: Universal Life Energy

Pathway 3: Al-Hayy – Universal Life Energy

“Everything we need can be found within us, when we feel our personal “I am” connected to the Universal “I Am”

This pathway introduces us to our own personal energy that we have within us. I’ve always talked about this energy as our own unique signature, and this pathway is about exploring what that is, and how we use it to connect to what’s around us.

For me, this has been a really important pathway and one that has brought with it a great deal of self-recognition. The pathway talks about the breath as the Life Force, and it talks about the ways in which we hold and contain energy within ourselves. I think more often than not, we forget that we are connected to something greater than ourselves. I do this work day in and day out, and I’m totally aware of that connection while I am working, but sometimes outside of this room, life takes over and it is easy to forget. We look outside for the answers sometimes and this pathway is teaching us that everything we need is within, and within is connected to something greater than ourselves. The breath is a constant reminder of our connection to that big “I AM” – the power of the universe.

In the introduction to the pathway, it mentions that we are looking to someone else to tell us what to do, especially if we are feeling lost. I can resonate with this. I do a lot of readings for people, and they are looking for just this information. A reading will just confirm what you are already thinking, but it feels reassuring that the same information has come from outside of you, from someone else. Funny that, because what it should really tell you is that you had the answers all along! It’s called being human, and reassurance in a tangible form from another human being can make all the difference sometimes. It’s what gives us confirmation and reassurance and makes us feel safe enough to take action and follow through.

The bulk of my work is to show people how to look for themselves, and when they find the information, how to build the strength to act on it. I think there is great benefit in having the guidance, so for me it’s about being shown where and how to look rather than being given the answers – does that make sense?

I remember when I finished my Reiki Master and my teacher said, “You’re on your own now – Goodbye!” I laughed, but because I knew there was a harsh and scary truth in that. As I’ve grown in what I do, more and more I find people looking to me for the answers. I have had to have a lot of patience sometimes, and know that all the deep diving and delving I do in to my own subconscious to retrieve my own answers helps others in finding theirs.

This pathway points to everything being within, and understanding that within is connected to outside. Within is for me the most natural place to be. I’ve mentioned in previous articles that navigating the outside world has never been easy for me. I prefer solitude, and I challenge myself continuously to connect in ways such as this because I realise that I am just as connected to the Earth as I am to the sky.

I find great comfort in that connection with the big “I AM” and I think it helps to see that connection in everything worldly. That’s a challenge. When shit gets real, you lose it, but it’s always coming back to that something you can call home. That connection is timeless and has always been there.

Living this pathway has brought me a new found confidence and trust, as well as patience and a realisation of purpose. I have all the tools within, sometimes I am just a little lazy to use them!

We are unique in the way that we connect to our Source, and we are unique in the way that life disconnects us from Source. The magic of life is discovery. The magic is knowing it doesn’t matter how many times you slip away, you always come home to that connection. In your darkest moments, that is what you connect to. When there is nobody else that can help, that’s what you call on to get you through.

However deep you go, you realise that you haven’t even scratched the surface. For me, this gives me great comfort. It means I will never run out of things to explore! I will always be learning and in this learning, I will always have a place to call home.

For the video that goes with this blog – CLICK HERE